Have you asked yourself how you might hold up in an alien fight? Take a tip from Phil Schneider, official badass.

So there's this dude Phil Schneider. He's a Geologist for the US Military. He's the guy they call when "they" actually want to build secret bases, of which there are a shitload. One day, previosuly unbeknownst to Phil, he found out he was building giant tunnels for a base directly above an underground alien base. Talk about a bummer. He found out because his gear kept coming up broken, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. So he ventured down into one of the two mile deep tunnels he was digging to monitor his equipment in action. That's when shit went down for Phil and he was put to the test.
Please tolerate the crappy video quality, and please also ignore Phil's very mild demeanor. Just listen to his story, and as a side note, look at Phil's left hand when he holds it up for the audience to see. His three missing fingers only add to his credibility.